Making Monogamy Work
Q. Making Monogamy Work By Frank Kermit, Relationships Monogamy is easier than open relationships, because the rules are simpler...but the application of the rules of monogamy is not as easy. Monogamy works for monogamous people...however...
A. 6 February 2012: Hi Odds,
Thanks for commenting. You do bring up a very important point, and I do cover that topic more in depth in my CD series that this article is based on.
You can listen to the previews of the CD series and other media interviews I hav... (read in full...)
Are all FWB relationships conducted, in this way?
Q. Hi everyone this question is for people who are in a fwb arrangement. how well do they treat you. I am in one. have been for 11 months now. he never comes round apart from the obvious when he is horny. he is not speaking to me at the moment because ...
A. 30 January 2012: For it to be "Friends With Benefits", you first have to be "FRIENDS".
He is not acting like a friend at all.
I wrote an article on what a Friends With Benefits relationship is, how it works and what the rules are.
You can find it here ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth salvaging or should I just walk away?
Q. I met my girlfriend 3 years ago in college and we started living together within six months of dating. I believe we moved way too fast with this relationship and thus we didn’t get to really know each other. The result of our moving too fast ...
A. 30 January 2012: Walk away.
Here is a link to some free information on my website about Break Ups. You might some ideas about how to handle this with her.
http://www.franktalks.com/break-ups
Too fast or not, if it didn't work out now, it is likely not go... (read in full...)
I'm a student tutoring younger students and I have a crush on one of them them!
Q. Hey everyone, a new one from me... I'm in my third semester at University and I'm leading a Tutorium (kind of an extra class) for a lecture. Obviously, I'm a student and it's about students of older semesters helping the ones who just started....
A. 2 January 2012: The best way to approach him is to talk about your common interests, and find out if there is an event related to that interest. Then let him know that you plan on attending that event and ask him if he would like to come along.
This removes ... (read in full...)
I'm a student tutoring younger students and I have a crush on one of them them!
Q. Hey everyone, a new one from me... I'm in my third semester at University and I'm leading a Tutorium (kind of an extra class) for a lecture. Obviously, I'm a student and it's about students of older semesters helping the ones who just started....
A. 1 January 2012: How long will he be a student of yours, and are there any regulations that the university has about teachers (including tutors) getting involved with the students?
If the university has employed you for this position, you may have to wait until he... (read in full...)
I want to be with my boyfriend for NYE, is that wrong?
Q. It's New Year's Eve and I am bumming out at home. Ideally, I would want to go out with my friends, but it's a little difficult considering we are all under the age of 21 and there is basically nothing much to do in NYC if you're not 21 on this nig...
A. 1 January 2012: My advice is for you to develop the self esteem to choose a boyfriend that would gladly give up drinking with his friends in order to spend NYE with you.
What is the point of having this bf if he is treating you like a FWB?
-Frank... (read in full...)
I love her she only wants friends. What to do?
Q. So I meet this lady online in late Oct. 2011,we meet for diner I texted a few times after but no instrest. So i emailed her and said guess there was no chemistry nice to meet you good luck. She emailed back we can be friends with her number again. I ...
A. 1 January 2012: First, if you are just friends, do not be hanging out with her so much. You are too available.
If you want to demonstrate that you are an attractive male, then you need to date other women. When she sees that other women are romantically interest... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my older sister's best friend
Q. I have a bad problem the girl i love is my older sisters best friend she is engaged and has two kids we text everyday but she doesnt no how i feel. About a month ago she told me that her and her partner wer arguing constently she says she gets quite ...
A. 1 January 2012: Have you considered the fact that if the two of you were to ever get into a relationship, she would like be texting another man everyday who actually likes her AND will tell him about the other guys she really likes (that does not include you, her ... (read in full...)
I don't just want to date my b/f I want to marry him and we keep fighting about it!
Q. Hi, I'm in a pickle! I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 33. He is Egyptian Muslim and I am British Muslim revert (but I don't wear hijab or anything). We've been together for 2.5 years. The last year has been horrific!! His mum and sisters apparent...
A. 1 January 2012: The fear of someone breaking up with you is not a good nor a reasonable motivation to push for marriage. It is the opposite. Rushing into marriage just because you are worried he is going to break up with you is the worst thing you can do to start ... (read in full...)
What do people think of an 18 year old guy dating a 16 year old?
Q. ok i have been talking to a girl who is 16 and i'm 18 we have basically got straight on and i feel like i have known her for years and we both have basically shown we like each others personallity and like each other. id like to ask her out and ...
A. 1 January 2012: Check with the law in your area. That, more than anything will help you understand what you can and can not do.
If she is of legal age to date in your area, that still does not mean she is of legal age to consent to all things.
For example, ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my ex, who is the father of my children, to not date my friends?
Q. My ex of 15years, father to my 2 kids is going to a new years eve party tonight where lots of my friends will be. Is it unreasonable of me to ask him not to get it together with one of my mates, there is one girl in particular, he doesnt really know ...
A. 31 December 2011: If he is your ex, and you do not want to get back together with him, who he dates is really not your business.
The same way that if you were to date someone that he does not want you to date. He is your ex, and thus he has zero say who you conn... (read in full...)
I am bi-sexual, but worried my family won't accept me for who I am
Q. Okay my question is what should I do about this? I am bisexual and I have told my good/ close friends and they accept me for who i am. I want to come out to my parents but my dad sometimes makes gay jokes he doesn't do it anymore so that's good. ...
A. 31 December 2011: Hi There,
Re: the feelings of cutting, talk to a guidance counselor at your school. They should be trained to handle this sort of discussion. They are professionals that have to follow rules of confidentiality.
As for coming out...the rule i... (read in full...)
10 year relationship being ruined by my inability to feel anything during sex
Q. Hi, Please help me - I'm a 30 year old healthy woman in a 10 year relationship that is being ruined by my inability to feel anything during intercourse. I can orgasm fine by clitoral stimulation and I have no issues with sex such as lack of experien...
A. 24 December 2011: Hi So-Very-Confused,
Actually, an asexual person can have an orgasm. I did a radio interview with David Jay who is the founder of the asexuality.org website and we discussed this very topic.
I would suggest that you refer to the site and rea... (read in full...)
I've decided to break up with my Bf. Should I wait until a week or so into the new year and just have a peaceful x-mas?
Q. I have decided to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I no longer feel right in the relationship. I made this decision finally yesterday after lots of thought over the past few weeks, so it's not a spur of the moment thing and I am not ...
A. 24 December 2011: http://www.myvirtualpaper.com/doc/West-end-Times/17.15westendtimes/2011120901/#8
This is an article I wrote about couples who break up over the holidays called HeartBreak for the Holidays.
There is never a good time to break up. That is why... (read in full...)
10 year relationship being ruined by my inability to feel anything during sex
Q. Hi, Please help me - I'm a 30 year old healthy woman in a 10 year relationship that is being ruined by my inability to feel anything during intercourse. I can orgasm fine by clitoral stimulation and I have no issues with sex such as lack of experien...
A. 24 December 2011: Are you familiar with the term "asexual"? I think you might fin some very useful information and support on a site called http://www.asexuality.org/home/
From your description, it seems to be a place for you to learn more. You are healthy,... (read in full...)
Dating a man a family member used to date?
Q. Am i wrong for falling in love with a guy my aunt use to date while back? we been seeing each other for about 9months but what should i do because i really dont want to go through with it now that our secret is coming out and dont want my family to ...
A. 31 October 2011: I was interviewed on a radio show on this exact topic.
You can listen to it for free here:
http://www.franktalks.com/datingdilemmas/
Scroll down for the show that aired on September 14th, 2011. The topic is Dating the Ex of a Friend of Family... (read in full...)
My bf is angry at me because I took drugs as part of my religious ceremony!!
Q. Okay basically me and my boyfriend have been together about 8 months. its a long distance relationship. he is 20 and i am 16. we are both different religions. in my religion about once a year on a festival they make a special drink which contains ...
A. 3 March 2011: What is the name and order of this religion that requires minors to do drugs?
-Frank... (read in full...)
Her interferring mother has called off the wedding. What advice can I offer, when asked, and not make this fiasco worse?
Q. I was due to attend a wedding next week of two very dear friends. One (him) a relative of mine and she a great friend. It seemed a marriage made in heaven. They both have great jobs. Though she is a tiny bit more qualified than him. That was of...
A. 1 March 2011: I would tell both of them to speak to a therapist.
He has been horribly betrayed. Yet at the same time, if his wife to be has such a submissive nature that she could be turned against him like this, he needs to come to terms with why he would ha... (read in full...)
One night stand with married woman has left me fearful--her husband found out!
Q. a month ago i had a one night stand with a woman i met at a bar. we exchanged info and she wrote me about how it was nice to feel good for a night outside of her bad marriage.. i didn't know she was married. i wrote her i couldnt be involved with a ...
A. 26 February 2011: First, you have nothing to apologize for. If you do write a letter of apology, you will be giving evidence that you knew she was married.
In fact, he should be THANKING YOU, as you ended it with his wife as soon as you found out she was married.... (read in full...)
I found out my girlfriend has a very wild sexual past, and she did webcam shows for others. Will a threesome make me feel better about her past?
Q. Ok where to begin?! I was in a relationship of 8 years and that ended 1 year ago. For the past 5 months, I've been dating and living with a woman who 24 years old. She has 2 children and I love her and them! The problem is she did soooo many sex...
A. 26 February 2011: When you said:
"Makes me sad to think of her that way!"
I think we are at the heart of the issue.
You and your gf have different values when it comes to sex.
You were with your previous gf for 8 yrs and by the sound of it, you were mon... (read in full...)
My girlfriend slept with some guy from her office. I feel I deserve better,should I forgive her?
Q. Hai my girlfriend and i have being dating for 3 years and wants to have sex, well am a virgin i am 23 and want to wait till we get married, am so commited to her, but recently found out she has being sleeping with some guy at her office she said it ...
A. 20 February 2011: The issue is more than just forgiveness.
The bigger issue is that each of you VALUES sex differently.
As long as the two of you have different values, a long term relationship will not work out.
Whether it happened once or many times, look... (read in full...)
Should I consider dating my deceased cousin's husband?
Q. My cousin died of cancer two years ago. She was married with four adult children and a teenager. Recently at a family gathering, her husband expressed interest in dating me. We have no prior history as I have lived across the country and moved back ...
A. 20 February 2011: You are both adults.
Date him in secret to see where things go.
If the two of you merit getting serious to the point of long term commitment, then go public about it.
If you date and it does not work out, then keep it to yourselves.
It ... (read in full...)
Not sure what to think about wife's spanking-fantasy...
Q. My wife wants me to spank her before/during sex. This probably sounds like every guy's dream but there is a bit of a sinister twist that is making me feel a bit uncomfortable. When I asked her where the spanking fantasy had come from, she said t...
A. 19 February 2011: The main thing is not to confuse the original source of a sexual fetish with it's manifestation.
Yes it originated from punishment when she was a child, but that does not indicate sexual feelings towards the punishment or the person punishin... (read in full...)
Three-way relationship advice needed!
Q. 3way relationship advice. I'm in a relationship with a bi sexual girl right now, we've discussed the idea and both have agreed its something we would like. Not just 3 way sex but a real relationship. I have a big heart and a lot to give in ways of ...
A. 16 February 2011: The issue with bringing in an ex into a triad (relationship structure of 3 people) is that the issues that broke the two of you up are likely still there. Now the issue is that what broke the two of you up in the past can, and likely will also cause ... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to be his master but I don't know what to do!
Q. My husband wants me to be his master during sex and domineer him using my imagination for the things I want him to do but my imagination does'nt seen to want to play what can I do? He has wanted this for years and I don't seem to be able to get it ...
A. 8 February 2011: I would suggest you look up this site, and get a copy of this magazine. They will have the information you need, and they are a very reliable and clean source:
http://www.tabmag.com/
It is a magazine that caters to fetish and BDSM and will le... (read in full...)
What is the Push/Pull theory?
Q. Hi everyone. Can anyone tell me what the Push/Pull theory of dating is? Does a man use this when he is trying to sleep with a woman only? Or is it when he is attracted to her and wants to date her? Do single men do it or do married men do it? What ...
A. 3 February 2011: It is a seduction tactic.
First the guy shows interest. (pulls you to him)
Then the guy shows dis-interest (pushes you away).
and repeat.
Happens in short spurts and is designed to give women emotional range and drama.
Guys who use... (read in full...)
I need romantic, fun ideas for Valentine's Day!
Q. Okay, our two year anniversary is Feb 12, so my fiance is going to do something special that day, leaving Valentine's day up to me. I am taking him to a nice dinner but he just told me that he has taken that day off so he can spend all day with me ...
A. 26 January 2011: I rarely endorse other people's works. However, this book by Dr Carol Drury has a bunch of ideas:
http:... (read in full...)
My son is a crack addict, with criminal charges, on probation for the last 7 years. What can I do in this horrible situation?
Q. My 27 years old drug-addict son ,causing me and my family lots of pain. He moved back several times in our home, and we tried to help him over and over again. But it failed every time. He is here again. On house arrest, so he can avoid jail. I...
A. 31 December 2010: There are support groups for the families of addicts.
That is where I think you will find the support and guidance you are seeking.
This will help you deal with your own issues regarding this situation with your son, and your role to separate... (read in full...)
Why do I think loving someone is weak?
Q. I'm really torn within myself. I'm confused. I have the desire to be with a woman, to give myself to her completely. I have cravings for a good, loving partner. But for some reason I hate myself for it. I feel that if somehow I fulfill my desire for ...
A. 24 December 2010: Get into therapy to explore your attachment history. Once you get to the root of the issue, you will be able to fix the issue and be willing to take the chances you need to take to find love.
-Frank... (read in full...)
I'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend.
Q. i'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend. I have never been kissed or hugged (besides family). girls always tell me im a nice guy, but not what they're looking for - im always just a friend. i am pretty average, i recently started working out ...
A. 24 December 2010: When a girl tells you that you are a nice guy, just a friend what she is saying is you address SOME of her emotional needs enough that she likes you as a person, but not the important emotional needs that would make her see you as a lover, or a ... (read in full...)
I may be in love with my stepdaughter...
Q. I married my ex wife with her having a 8 month old daughter.I stayed married to her mother untill she was 13.than me and her mom got a divorce and me and my stepdaughter built a incredible relationship up to that point.(know by incredible I mean ...
A. 24 December 2010: This is completely inappropriate.
You raised this girl from the time she was an infant.
I would not be surprised that if you even tried to get into any sort of romantic relationship with her that you might be charged with sexual misconduc... (read in full...)
Am I a horrible person because I told all of his girlfriends what he does?
Q. I've heard of second chances but never 14th chances.. Me and my "Friend" have been "Friends" for about 2 years roughly 3. We went out for about 6 months till we broke up then he started getting with girls that were frieds of ours. He made me mad ...
A. 24 December 2010: Yes, you are exhibiting the behaviors of a horrible person.
You are act out to hurt others when they have done nothing to you.
You judge people for the way they look, and got violent with at least one person who did not deserve it.
You do no... (read in full...)
I don't love him, but should I stay with him because he is safe?
Q. im 22 i have a 2 year old with a man i dont love, we were together a year when i fell pregnant, I was stupid 19 year old thinkin "it wont happen to me" although i cant say i regret it as i love her so much! But about a month after havin my daughter ...
A. 24 December 2010: First, you need to be sure that your lack of attraction for this man is not being fueled by the change in your body chemistry as a result of having a baby.
Between the hormone changes, the emotional change in status (you are now a mommy), exhausti... (read in full...)
Why do I think loving someone is weak?
Q. I'm really torn within myself. I'm confused. I have the desire to be with a woman, to give myself to her completely. I have cravings for a good, loving partner. But for some reason I hate myself for it. I feel that if somehow I fulfill my desire for ...
A. 24 December 2010: This is a fear of intimacy.
The source of this USUALLY comes from the way you were raised.
We would have to look at your "attachment" history. This means looking at those first relationships where you formed an interpretation as to what love ... (read in full...)
I lied to my boyfriend about getting raped and being pregnant and he wants me to help raise the baby!!!!
Q. Okay, I'm 14. My boyfriend (who's 13) and I are really close, so we tell each other everything. One day, I saw him talking to his friend, who I SWEAR was hitting on him (she was touching him and everything)!! So I (obviously) got upset... I didn't ...
A. 24 December 2010: You need to forget about having a BF and get therapy right now.
Your response to the situation is COMPLETELY inappropriate, and unless you come clean, your BF and anyone else that hears this story and commits resources to you (like money and gift... (read in full...)
My guy is looking at quite a lot of gay porn on line. Why?
Q. I found gay porn on my guys computer..it wasn't just one site, there were several over a couple of days and some had galleries,is it normal for straight guys to look at gay porn? There was other porn but quite a lot of gay porn....
A. 24 December 2010: You asked:
is it normal for straight guys to look at gay porn?
Answer: Nope.
He might be bi or he might be gay but in the closet.
But his actions are not that of a straight guy.
Sorry to be the one to tell you this.
Depending on your ... (read in full...)
I'm no one's soul mate and it hurts that I have no personal life
Q. My mother passed away this year from cancer. She had been sick for 3 years and I had taken care of her. In the process, I hadn't given any consideration to my personal life or any of my own needs. Now that she's gone, I realize that I HAVE no ...
A. 22 December 2010: First, my condolence on the loss of your mother. I also helped care for my father in his last years and it was very draining. Holidays can be the worst.
Part of the pain you are in comes from "the new normal". Basically it is about adjustin... (read in full...)
Why am I obsessed with a woman I don't want?
Q. Why am I insanely obsessed 24-7 with a woman I don't want?...
A. 21 December 2010: Because on some level this woman addresses certain emotional needs of yours that make you respond to her.
Which emotional needs those are, and if they are healthy or emotional dysfunctional depends on you and your situation.
I talk a lot about... (read in full...)
How can I adjust to living with my long lost father and new family?
Q. Okay so, long story short, my mother didn't tell my father that she was pregnant with me before he left. She died when I was six and then a decade later of being moved around from foster home to foster home, my lovely social worker-person who has ...
A. 19 December 2010: Your step brother and half brothers probably do not know their place with you either. That is why they do not know how to act. So many questions to ask, and so much of it of a personal nature. It can make anyone feel intimidated.
First talk to ... (read in full...)
Can someone give sperm donor info?
Q. My fiancee and I have been trying for over a year for a baby, turns out he's unable to have any kids. We were thinking about going to a sperm donor. Does anyone know how this works? How much does it cost? Do they give any papers to take home? Do...
A. 18 December 2010: Before you consider a sperm bank, you might want to consider a few other things.
First, your age. Why the rush to have kids, when the two of you are not even yet married? As a parent that had a child before we were financially ready, I can tell... (read in full...)
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